How ‘The Sopranos’ Exposed Society’s Reluctance to Change

From left to right: Tony Sirico, Steve Van Zandt, James Gandolfini, Michael Imperioli and Vincent Pastore in “The Sopranos.” Credit: Getty Images via TNS

Rear View Mirror is a monthly television series that examines the cultural influence and social reflection of the ‘New Golden Age of Television’, with a priority on programming from the late 1990s to mid-2010s.

Disclaimer: This post may contain minor spoilers.

“The Sopranos” is probably one of the most acclaimed television shows of all time. The show’s premiere in 1999 put HBO on the map, establishing it as a network willing to redefine the boundaries that programming can cross when it comes to sensitive topics like crime, death and sex.

“The Sopranos,” which ran until 2007, centers on Northern New Jersey-based Italian mob boss Tony Soprano — played by the legendary James Gandolfini — and his attempts to gain control over his mental health and family. For Tony, family takes on a double meaning as he juggles his relationship with his wife Carmela (Edie Falco), his two children AJ (Robert Iler) and Meadow (Jamie-Lynn Sigler), and his Cosa Nostra “family.”

There’s a lot to be said about the way “The Sopranos” depicts depression, anxiety, addiction, infidelity, crime, murder and money, but one aspect of the show stands out as a recurring theme: people’s willingness, or unwillingness, to change.

“Depression is anger turned inward”

In the pilot episode, Tony suffers a panic attack that causes him to collapse during his son’s birthday barbecue after AJ… iconic line, “So what, no more f***in’ ziti?”

AJ’s dirty mouth wasn’t what led to Tony’s attack. Instead, the beloved family of ducks that lived in Tony’s pool ultimately flew southa metaphor for Tony’s feelings about his own family slipping further and further away, while his children grow up and prepare to leave home.

Tony, who bore a heavy responsibility as the leader of his North Jersey crime family at the turn of the century, was deeply affected by the change in his life.

To treat his newfound anxiety, Tony went to the office of psychiatrist Dr. Jennifer Melfi (Lorraine Bracco).

Over the next six seasons, Tony meets Dr. Melfi several times, but his depression and anxiety are never truly addressed, probably because he is unwilling to give up his deadly career, gambling addiction, and infidelity.

The root of Tony’s psychological problems could also lie with his unbearable and unloving mother, Livia (Nancy Marchand) – a possibility Dr. Melfi continually suggests throughout the series.

Throughout the series, Tony often refuses to openly discuss his feelings in the name of being a stoic alpha male. He even discusses this idea with Dr. Melfi in the pilot.

“Nowadays everyone has to go to psychiatrists and counselors and play ‘Sally Jessy Raphael’ and talk about their problems,” says Tony. “What happened to Gary Cooper? The strong, silent type. That was an American.”

Tony doesn’t think it’s ideal for a mafia boss to see a psychiatrist, because it would give his ’employees’ and business partners a reason to look down on him.

Many people feel that therapy makes them look weak to their family and friends. This is a stigma that society has had to deal with in recent years.

One thing that “The Sopranos” makes very clear is that Tony is a man in desperate need of therapy and medication. On the surface, Tony fulfills that need, even if he doesn’t do enough actual work to make any progress.

The golden days

The decline of the American countryside and the expansion of government bureaucracy are phenomena that were keenly felt in the last half century. Organized crime was not spared either.

Tony is just one individual in a vast mafia family. Around the turn of the century, the Italian mafia was no longer what it used to be.

Throughout the series, Tony and his underlings frequently reference “The Godfather” films and use them as symbols of the grandeur that the Mafia once embodied. However, the grandeur and respect associated with “The Godfather” films do not reflect the lives of Tony and his associates.

The North Jersey Mafia engages in activities such as selling drugs on garbage routes, providing protection to businesses that sometimes I don’t want it and I don’t need it, organizing gambling events where the house – the mafia itself – often wins and laundering money through establishments such as the Bada Bing, a strip club that seems to be on the edge of the world.

Tony and his team enjoy the wealth they have acquired through fine dining, expensive vehicles and lavish vacations, but their main hangout is in the back of a butcher shop. Classy.

The glitz and glamour of the mafia just isn’t the same as it was 40 or 50 years ago.

Instead, franchises moved into neighborhoods where mobsters once squeezed money out of small businesses, with police ready to crack down on them and put a few key players in jail. The golden days were over, but the modern Mafia couldn’t let them go.

Carmela Soprano’s Inner Conflict

Carmela Soprano is a smart and thoughtful woman who fell in love with Tony in high school and eventually committed to him and the life he leads by getting married.

Carmela lives a privileged life in a large house, where she enjoys expensive jewelry, clothes and great opportunities for her children. Despite the luxury she is given, Carmela is painfully aware of her and her husband’s unwelcome behavior.

In the early episodes, Carmela runs to her priest crying, feeling guilty about her husband’s crimes, and at one point she says: “I have left the good for the easy.” Carmela does not explicitly approve of the way Tony makes his living, and this idea is repeated throughout the series.

Interestingly, Carmela uses her power as the first lady of North Jersey to her advantage. Like Tony, she can’t turn down the money and power that comes with her position.

For example, when her daughter Meadow needs a letter of recommendation for her application to Georgetown University, Carmela goes to her neighbor Jeannie Cusamano (Saundra Santiago), whose sister is a lawyer and a Georgetown alumnus.

After Jeannie tells Carmela that her sister won’t write the letter, Carmela shows up at Joanie’s office – Jeannie’s sister – with a threat, “I don’t think you understand. I want you to write that letter.”

Carmela is often upset about her family’s mafia affiliation, but also uses it to her advantage when it suits her. Through her, the show captures how power and money can hinder a person’s willingness to change and eliminate their sense of cognitive dissonance.

Holding up a mirror to society

People have a hard time with change. It’s uncomfortable and disruptive. This fact has become more apparent as the world seems to progress and change every day, from politics to climate change to the ever-increasing cost of living.

At the same time, external factors aren’t the only things that push reluctant people to take new directions. Our inner belief systems can be unshakable, depending on how they benefit us.

Ultimately, while Tony’s habits, anger, and sociopathic behavior fuel his illness, he is the only one who can stop it. Yet Tony is unwilling to change his life to improve his health, because the lure of power, wealth, and sex is too strong to resist.

If this concept sounds familiar, don’t panic; the same behavior is reflected in famous politicians, celebrities, and even regular people. Changing your life completely is a step that many refuse to take — even when it benefits themselves and those they love most.

The magic of “The Sopranos” shows how even self-loathing—and the threat of moral and physical ruin—can’t move us to embrace a new way of life.

Perhaps the most frightening aspect of the show is that people are unable to change, no matter how hard they try. And the future implications of that reality seem grim at best.