The NBA champion Boston Celtics are somehow operating on an endless cash flow after offering Sam Hauser a new 4-year, $45 million deal

Grace Beal. Getty Images.

Okay, by now you know how it works. Everyone mans their battle stations…

….finished?

BRRRRAAADDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!

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Dear Mother of God, did Brad Stevens do it again or did Brad Stevens do it again? Here’s a hint.

Brad Stevens did it again.

All summer long I’ve been listening to the GMs of these other teams talk about how devastating the 2nd apron of the new CBA is and how it meant that as a result, their hands were tied when it came to paying to keep their own players, even if it meant losing someone valuable. That was just the reality of today’s NBA, or so we were told.

Meanwhile I watch Brad Stevens do this without a care in the world

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Let’s recap what we’ve seen our Lord and Savior do since the start of the postseason

– He paid a 4/135M contract extension to Jrue Holiday in early April, which immediately paid off on the way to the title

– Luke Kornet started his free agency with a new 1/2 million deal

– Xavier Tillman decided to stay for at least 2 years

– Jayson Tatum got his no-brainer 5/315M extension

– Derrick White got his no-brainer 4/125M extension

– Sam Hauser got his 4/45M extension

Let’s add it all up, shall we? Not counting tax penalties, that’s about $624 million in contracts alone. Not only are the NBA champion Boston Celtics returning 13 of their 15 roster spots from last season, their top eight rotation is now all locked in to multi-year contracts. Meanwhile, their competition is losing valuable rotation players left and right.

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A lot of people are going to ask how this is possible since no other team seems to be able to operate this way. The answer is pretty simple in my opinion. Brad and his team did the work early on and got all these guys in the system before the new CBA which was huge because it allowed them to use their Bird Rights and most importantly the Celts aren’t operating like a bunch of broke bitches. Wyc is selling this team for what should be at least $6 billion eventually so you know what that means? Everyone gets an extension!!

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At some point taxes have to be paid and you saw the number. A cool $210M on top of a salary that is already $225M. Whatever! Not my money! If this means I have to bow down to my new Saudi oil money overlords then so be it. All I care about is this team maximizing the opportunity in front of them and in case you forgot what that is, let me remind you

Brian Babineau. Getty Images.

And now what about Sam Hauser? Is it crazy to suggest Brad got him here at a discount? 4/45M is all it cost for a lifelong 40% 3-point shooter who had multiple possessions where he had both Luka Doncic and Kyrie Irving in jail during the Finals? Brad Stevens, you beautiful son of a bitch!

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From undrafted to NBA champion and now a $45 million dollar extension. What a story. It was always kind of a cheat code that the Celts were getting this kind of production out of Hauser while paying him the minimum amount, so I’m happy for him that he can not only cash in, but stay a part of this thing going forward.

When the day comes that decisions have to be made, Hauser’s salary is important now. Everything the Celts do now has to be dollar for dollar matched in transactions and they can’t consolidate contracts, so it’s important to have a mid-sized salary on the books going forward, even if it comes with a huge tax bill. Again, the oil money will cover that part.

In a summer that has been nothing but complete bliss since June 17th, every day seems to be better than the last. I’ll be honest, I can’t quite believe this is our life right now. The Celts have not only reached the top of the mountain, but they’ve recharged themselves with a great opportunity to do it again… and again… and again.

Brad Stevens man. What a legend.