Real Housewives of New Jersey’s Kim DePaola lifts the lid on growing up in the mafia, marrying a mobster and filming reality TV

As the Real Housewives of New Jersey wraps up what could be its final season ever, one of the show’s most notorious villains is spilling all the secrets from the series and revealing everything about her unbelievable life before reality TV.

Kim DePaola – best known by Bravo fans as Kim ‘D’ – has exposed her upbringing in the Italian mafia and how she became a mob wife in her unflinching memoir, My Life With The Big Boys.

As a long time supporting character on the hit series, Kim was often thrown into scenes to stir up drama between Jersey’s leading ladies like Teresa Guidice and Melissa Gorga, but was always robbed of sharing her own story – until now.

Speaking to DailyMail.com, the 63-year-old says she was inspired to write her memoir – which is much closer to The Sopranos than the Real Housewives – after fans rediscovered her on RHONJ during the Covid lockdowns.

‘They’d say, “We’re rewatching old episodes and you were so good! You weren’t a villain, you were asking the questions everybody wanted to know!”‘ she exclaimed.

Kim DePaola – best known by Bravo fans as Kim ‘D’ – has exposed her upbringing in the Italian mafia and how she became a mob wife in her unflinching memoir, My Life With The Big Boys

Kim was a supporting character on the Real Housewives of New Jersey and was often thrown into the mix to stir up drama 

One of her most infamous lines from the series was uttered during a curbside fight with Joe Gorga, when Kim, bleary-eyed and teetering on platform pumps, screamed, ‘I play with the big boys! Don’t f**k with me!’

Finally identifying the ‘big boys’ in her book, Kim explains, ‘They’re politicians, they’re judges, they’re mafia. I’m friends with a lot of men in big places.’

Kim’s scuffles with the Real Housewives of New Jersey were nothing compared to what she saw growing up, beginning with her stepfather Frank ‘Butch’ Micelli.

After her parents divorced when she was a baby, Kim’s mother Dorothy remarried Butch – a notorious mobster and alleged lieutenant in the Gambino crime family.

‘We knew he was mobbed up but my mother had no idea what position he was in,’ Kim says. ‘But she knew it was big time because she was invited to the Gambino wedding.’

While being married to the mob certainly had its dangers, Kim and her mom were thrust into a lavish life where they wanted for nothing and enjoyed all the finer things that New York had to offer.

The family would often spend time at the Copacabana club, where a young Kim would rub shoulders with mobsters and celebrities alike.

Kim grew up attending New York’s Copacabana club with her stepfather Frank ‘Butch’ Micelli, who was connected to the mafia. (Pictured with singer Paul Anka and two others as a child)

Kim (far right) is pictured with her mother Dorothy (far left), her stepfather Butch, and a friend during a lavish dinner in New York

‘We’d be front and center like Goodfellows,’ she gushed. ‘I was around Jimmy Durante when I was four. Tom Jones took a drink out of my glass when I was 10. I got photos with Diana Ross. Frank Sinatra was good friends with my stepfather.’

However, things took a dark turn when Kim’s babysitter – who was one of her stepfather’s associates – suddenly went missing.

‘My mother was at the stove and she heard my stepfather say, “It’s okay, he’s a nice guy. He’s not going to do anything.” And another gentleman says to him, “We can’t take another chance. We had to do what we had to do.” So they did something to my babysitter,’ Kim claimed.

She said her mother suffered a semi-nervous breakdown over the news and ended up in hospital, before deciding that she wanted to leave Butch and the mob life for good.

Miraculously, the ‘big boss’ of the mafia family granted Dorothy permission to leave the marriage, and Kim was even able stay on good terms with Butch.

Unfortunately, once she grew up, Kim went on to make the same mistake as her mother did by marrying a mobster too.

In an eerie twist, husband Frank shared the same first name as her mobster stepfather. 

‘My husband Frank was connected to the Genovese family, so I did the same thing my mother did. He was my son’s father,’ she explained.

Kim enjoyed the finer things in life thanks to her coveted position as the stepdaughter of a notorious mobster

Kim later married her first husband Frank, who was also connected to the Italian mafia

She was 22 when she met Frank, who was ten years her senior, and together they led a fabulous life, just like Kim had as a child thanks to her mother’s mafia ties.

‘He’d bring my friends and we’d get a limo and go out to casinos. We’d go to the best restaurants and get the best tables. They’d roll out the red carpet for us,’ she gushed.

‘He brought me Gucci luggage back when nobody had it. It was a very fast life and I loved it,’ she continued.

‘And when you’re 22 and you’re loving this life, you’re not really asking where the money’s coming from. You kind of know, but you don’t care.’

While Kim enjoyed her glamorous life as a mob wife, she finally started to second guess her future after falling pregnant with son Christopher.

‘Once I was pregnant I started seeing all the friends over, doing things with the guys, people were always coming to my house, and I thought, “I can’t raise a child in this.”

‘Frank started to be abusive because he could tell that I was thinking of leaving,’ she said.

Kim fled to the Jersey Shore with her mother to escape her husband, who was furious and trying to track down his runaway wife.

‘He was on a mission to destroy me,’ explained Kim, who recalled a chilling incident in which Frank choke and bite her during a violent altercation at her mother’s house.

She was 22 when she met Frank, who was ten years her senior, and together they led a fabulous life, just like Kim had as a child thanks to her mother’s mafia ties

‘When you’re 22 and you’re loving this life, you’re not really asking where the money’s coming from. You kind of know, but you don’t care,’ Kim told DailyMail.com

Determined to put an end to things, Kim went to her stepfather, who organized a sit-down with Frank’s bosses in the mob.

‘My husband goes, “She’s my wife and I’m gonna kill her.” They said, “You can’t kill her, or we’ll kill you!”‘ Kim said.

The message was received loud and clear, and Kim, along with her young son Christopher, moved back home with her mother.

She went on to marry again, although that didn’t last, before she opened her now infamous New Jersey clothing boutique, Posche.

Original Real Housewives of New Jersey star Danielle Staub was a customer at the upscale store and asked Kim to accompany her to a photoshoot for the series, where she was introduced to the other cast members and producers.

By the time season two of the series was filming, producer Carlos King asked Kim to film with Danielle, who at the time wasn’t getting along with any of her castmates.

Later in life, Kim went on to star on the Real Housewives of New Jersey as a frenemy of Teresa Giudice

Kim tells DailyMail.com that she often clashed with producers after being asked to do ‘despicable’ things to bring drama to the show

‘I think Danielle was really bullied and I think Caroline Manzo was the biggest bully,’ Kim said.

‘She was really vicious to her. They all bullied her. They all did. But Caroline was the worst. Caroline and Dina (Manzo).’

After making a memorable impression during season two, producers would regularly invite Kim back to film scenes whenever they needed extra drama.

While Kim was often happy to play ball when the price was right, she says there were times that she refused to do production’s bidding.

In one instance, Kim refused to confront Teresa Guidice over rumors that her then-husband Joe was cheating on her.

At the time, Teresa was receiving an award for philanthropy after reaching a major fundraising goal on The Celebrity Apprentice, and Kim felt that it wasn’t appropriate to bring up the cheating rumors.

‘I get the tap on the shoulder and they go, “Perez Hilton has it out that Joe Giudice is cheating, and we need you to go back to the table and ask them about it.” I’m like, “Are you out of your mind? This girl’s getting an award. You want me to bring this up?” I wouldn’t do it,’ she said.

After producers continued to pressure her, Kim compromised and did the scene her own way.

She pulled Teresa aside and asked if she was getting a divorce, but refused to mention the word ‘cheating’ on camera.

Since leaving RHONJ, Kim is focused on her podcast, Get Real With Kim D, and hopes to turn her memoir into a scripted series about life in the mafia

Kim’s memoir My Life With The Big Boys is available on Amazon now

‘They were not pleased,’ Kim laughed.

‘I have integrity. And there’s certain things that I’ll do. If I don’t like somebody or if I feel they’re coming at me, whatever, I’m gonna do it,’ she said.

‘But to have Teresa be there, it’s her moment, she did a lovely thing for someone and now you want me to destroy her? I can’t do that.’

Since leaving RHONJ, Kim is focused on her podcast, Get Real With Kim D, and hopes to turn her memoir into a scripted series about life in the mafia.

She’s also enjoying the newfound love from the Real Housewives fandom, who have now embraced her pot-stirring antics on the show.

‘I never had a problem with self esteem or anything like that, but sometimes when you’re kind of brushed aside and you’re the villain and then you’re off the show, it just seems like you weren’t appreciated,’ she said.

‘So now that I am appreciated and people are coming from all over saying, “Oh my God, Kim, you’re an icon.” It kind of feels good. I’m appreciated now, you know, it feels good.’