Genny Shawcross and Hayley Maxfield declare war on the Pumpkin Spice Latte Mafia

You can literally smell the pigskin in the air because there is a south wind blowing off the Ohio River and we live near Ada, Ohio where they make the Super Bowl football. That always tells me it’s football season.

I know you’re wondering how I prepared for the NFL season in my own special way.

• It starts with starting WARS on Facebook, where I mentally prepare my brain for the rigors of a season that now runs all the way through mid-February. I go to Facebook and fight the Pumpkin Spice Latte Mafia to simulate the WARS I’ll have to fight against Browns and Steelers fans for the next 4+ months. The Facebook WARS forces me to react quickly with comebacks. Here’s some of the work I’ve been doing this week:

• I also prepped for the season by joining a BIG BOY fantasy football league this season to see how I stack up against some heavyweights. The draft was last night at 10 ET with two minute rounds. I learned right away that these guys should never have been given two minutes to make picks. The damn draft didn’t end until almost midnight and would have gone much later if I hadn’t suggested speeding things up in the 10th round. ESPN says I have a “C” team. We’ll see if that ESPN AI bot is right or not. Fuck the woke ESPN AI bot.

2024 NFL/Screencaps ‘Did You Know’

• I was born about five miles from where the very first NFL game was played in Dayton, Ohio.
• I played some of the greatest baseball games of my college baseball career on the hallowed ground where the first NFL was played. The Dayton Triangles defeated the Columbus Panhandles scumbags 14-0 on October 3, 1920, right where my feet were walking 75 years later.
• You could say that the NFL has played a huge role in my life, and that is absolutely true.

Problems with the season:

• I have a basement TV that keeps getting thrown off the network even though it is hardwired. It makes me nervous, but I have a few days to figure it out. I didn’t think a CAT5 would just stop working. Who is the expert on fiber optics here?
• I have to travel this Sunday for a family party and it’s going to be Crock Pot weather. Would I sit in the basement all day if it were 72 degrees and sunny? Absolutely not. I would have a patio day! Crock Pot meaty bean dip, MEAT on the grill and a YouTubeTV quad box. Oh well, it’s a long season.
• My kids need Bengals gear. I need to cross that off my to-do list. It’s time for these kids to respect their roots and understand that their father had to suffer at the hands of David Klingler and Marvin Lewis so they could thrive.

– Lee D. from Tampa sent this one in. Todd Bowles, a man not known for his emotions, is asked what it’s like to walk through that tunnel before the start of a new season:

– Bear and the Philly Boys celebrate the return of the NFL:

This man deserves a Grammy.

– Michael from Allons, TN has some advice for NFL bettors making their rookie debut:

Had a good second half of 2023, turned $100 into $1100. Mostly $10-$25 bets and a few $200-$300 winning parlays.

The $1100 peak covered all my losses since TN started online betting.

From last Christmas to the end of January, I browsed through everything. I broke one rule of betting, “don’t chase losses”. I was so annoyed with myself that I haven’t gambled since.

I do miss it a little bit since the football season started again, but it’s not enough yet to put the money back into the account.

Last night I had a phone call with team captain Indy Daryl to hear about preparations for the upcoming Team Screencaps Ragnar Relay race

Now things are really starting to get moving for the race that Indy Daryl has been dreaming about since mid-February when he asked me if I would sponsor a team. I agreed, but I told Indy D. that this is his team. He is the Keegan Bradley. He had to put together a team that would not let us down.

Now I hear rumors that there may be competitors who are not in competitive shape. I hear that some are skipping training days and the stress is starting to build.

Is this team ready to run from the Jim Beam Distillery to Lexington? It’s like a 125-mile relay.

Let me be clear right away: this team will NOT be made to look stupid like I was last year when U.S. Transportation Chief and Mayor Pete Bootycheeks passed Millennial Chris B. in Bowling Green during the Michigan Ironman because MCBiBG had to poop in a harbor.

This must never happen again. We are better than this. MCBiBG has to do much better in Kentucky or I will go underground.

Americans must see the Minnesota State Fair

– Brendan in F’ville writes:

I love the content of the Minnesota State Fair. Ever since this bored California native first went to “The Great Minnesota Get-Together” ten years ago, I’ve been of the opinion that the MN State Fair is one of the 50 things an Americana/American culture lover must see and experience.

From the butter sculptures, to the fried curds, to the Michelob Golden Draft Light (IYKYK). From Garrison Keilor’s nasal voice (if that’s your thing), to the prize pigs in the cattle house, to the apple selections in the farm building… It’s truly an amazing event that the people of Minnesota put on, and I hope our country never loses it.

As an aside, I didn’t realize how important Minnesota and the U of Minnesota were to the apple industry in this country until I visited the show. I also discovered the best apple variety in the world: the SweeTango (#notsponsored).

https://sweetango.com/

Brendan in F’ville also analyzed me based on my favorite apple

– Brendan in F’ville added:

PS I secretly judge people by their favorite apple variety. I was having second thoughts about marrying my wife when I found out her favorite variety was Red Delicious. What’s yours?

Kinsey:

Granny Smith. What does that say about me?

– Brendan in F’ville:

You like cake.

Kinsey:

That was one of the more interesting exchanges of the year.

Remember when I used to post stories about gang members being hanged at Topgolf and how it’s a hotbed for police arrests?

And now comes this news.

After Wednesday’s news, some people are saying: stick a fork in Topgolf. I wouldn’t go that far, but this is not what you want to see if you’re an investor.

Mowing the lawn with lasers

– Harvey D. writes:

Robot lawn mowers with fucking laser beams! I’ve seen the Terminator movies, this is going to end badly!

Kinsey:

As long as these nerds don’t live like pigs, I’m fine with this until the lasers and military robot dogs start killing us. Then we’re screwed.

PHX over 100 for 100 days

– Thomas in NC writes:

I grew up in Phoenix and know what we call 100 degree days, summer. It usually starts around Mother’s Day and ends around the first week of October. That’s a big part of the reason I left. My brother who is still here has a garage remodeling project coming up, he said it would start in October. I asked because of the temperature drop and he confirmed it.

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I’m out of time. Let’s have a great NFL season. Go win money. Go dominate your fantasy league. Go bust your ass tailgating. Go have fun.

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