my Instagram explore page is happy to show me…

duplication:

My Instagram explore page likes to show me people like erotic dark romance novel tiktoks and I really have to wonder: why are all these straight women desperate to fuck a mafia boss?

Okay, let’s try to break this down.

Sexual fantasies are by definition transgressive. Yes, even the fluffy, romantic ones. As long as the general culture remains negative about sex and sexuality in any form that is not reproductive sex within the confines of marriage to the woman, not as an equal actor, but as the object upon which sex is performed, this will remain true.

And the thing about fantasies is that our brains like to mix the things we crave most with our fears, anxieties, pain and trauma into a mixture of, sometimes, truly epic levels of fuckery.

But here’s the secret: Things we fantasize about, from the healthiest to the most bizarre to the seriously fucked up? They are very, very often NOT what we literally want.

Just because you like dubcon or noncon doesn’t mean you actually want to be raped or raped. Loving monsters doesn’t make you a zoophile. And fantasizing about violent, obsessive men doesn’t mean you wouldn’t run so far away from such a man if the second of them set his sights on you.

If you’re really interested in the subject, I recommend reading My Secret Garden by Nancy Friday, a compilation of anonymously submitted sexual fantasies from women. And it turns out that women fantasize about a lot of violent, uncomfortable, and downright messed up things.

And for most of them, it’s about reclamation, even if they don’t actively realize it. From fear, from trauma, from loss of power. It’s about THEMSELVES and how THEY feel. As strange as it may sound, the men in those fantasies don’t really matter, they are just a vessel, a manifestation of the extreme version of what you are dealing with and/or longing for. A safe, cathartic way to experience something extremely unsafe, unwise and terrifying.

For women who fantasize about criminals, villains, monsters and anti-heroes, it often involves the idea that such a person – intense, violent, with single-minded focus and enormous power – would love her, want her, always let her down . first, go against all his instincts/training for you without a second thought and be a clear and present danger to everyone except warmth and safety for her and only her, and burn the world itself for hurting her in even the slightest way has done. It’s a sexual version of the fantasy of having a tiger as a pet, a tiger that would never attack you or hurt you in any way.

And just like the people who want to boop on the forbidden face, the women who fantasize about their Mafia Boss Lover fantasy are well aware of the fact that 1) such men do not actually exist, 2) the criminal world of their fantasy is anything but nothing to do with reality, and 3) that what they’re actually fantasizing about is being loved, wanted, and safe… just in a VERY intense, exaggerated way. And let’s not mince words: there is often a more or less strong D/s dynamic at play in the scenario.

Now you can choose to judge it (lord knows there are plenty of you in the replies, comments and tags), in which case I would suggest you explore why you feel such a deep need to date women because they enjoy being in their own little world, or you can apply the YKINMKATO mantra and understand that straight women, living in the constant state of prey, sometimes consciously or unconsciously reclaim power over that situation through transgressive sexual fantasies.

And fuck this idea that queer people only fantasize about healthy and beneficial relationships, romantic, sexual, or otherwise, as if at least half of Tumblr isn’t simplifying for, oh, for example, Hannibal, damn Lecter. Do you have any idea how much Mafia and Thug BL content there is?! FFS, Tom of Finland, a World War II veteran who fought against the Nazis, drew art of exaggeratedly masculine men in Nazi uniforms in pornographic situations as early as the 1950s as a way to distance himself from those traumas and the fascists themselves !

So yes. Take less judgment and more responsibility for curating your online experience if seeing someone’s kink really offends you that much.