How to recognize the signs of sexual narcissism

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Medically reviewed by Kathleen Daly, MDMedically reviewed by Kathleen Daly, MD

Sexual narcissism is a behavior pattern that only affects sexual experiences. The Sexual Narcissism Scale (SNS) is a tool that measures and identifies the four main components of sexual narcissism in a person, including sexual exploitation, sexual entitlement, ignoring the needs of their partners, and a grandiose view of sexual competence.

<p>FG Trade/Getty Images</p> <p>” title=”sexual narcissism concept; lesbian couple sitting on a bed having a deep discussion”> </p> <p> <i></i></p> <p>FG Handel / Getty Images</p> <h2>Characteristics of sexual narcissism</h2> <h3>Sexual exploitation</h3> <p>Sexual exploitation is the willingness to manipulate or coerce others for sexual gratification.<span></span> Sexual narcissists will often exploit or manipulate others for sexual gratification. Examples of sexual exploitation include:<span></span></p> <ul> <li>Making a partner feel guilty for saying no </li> <li>Pressuring someone to engage in sexual activity</li> <li>The use of charm, coercion, or deception to engage in sex </li> </ul> <p>A partner who often compromises their sexual boundaries or wants to avoid conflict may be dealing with a sexual narcissist. </p> <h3>Sexual right </h3> <p>Sexual narcissists feel entitled to sexual satisfaction and believe that their sexual needs are more important than those of their partners.<span></span> A sexual narcissist can:<span></span> </p> <ul> <li>Secretly seek out other sex partners if you are in a committed relationship </li> <li>Ignore a partner’s need for peace, emotional connection, or other aspects of intimacy </li> <li>Expect sex to always be available on their terms, whenever they want it</li> <li>Express frustration or anger when the partner is not “in the mood.” </li> <li>Treat sex as a right and not as a mutual experience</li> </ul> <p>Research shows that sexual narcissists with high levels of entitlement are more likely to engage in sexually aggressive behavior, including unwanted sexual contact, verbal coercion, and sexual assault.<span></span> </p> <h3>Low sexual empathy </h3> <p>Low sexual empathy means that a person has little to no interest in their partner’s feelings or experiences during sexual interactions.<span></span> A sexual narcissist:<span></span> </p> <ul> <li>Does not check how their partner feels during sexual activities</li> <li>Does not seek emotional connection with their partners </li> <li>Ignores or feels indifferent to their partner’s needs, concerns, or desires</li> <li>Focuses solely on their own pleasure </li> </ul> <h3>Grandiose look at sexual skills</h3> <p>Sexual narcissists have an inflated view of their sexual abilities and achievements.<span></span> They radiate confidence about sexual matters and can:<span></span> </p> <ul> <li>Become overly sensitive to criticism or feedback that takes away their sense of superiority </li> <li>Constantly seek validation for their sexual performance</li> <li>Overestimate their abilities in the bedroom</li> <li>Talk excessively about their sexual prowess </li> <li>Use sex as a way to boost their ego </li> </ul> <p> Related: Having a God Complex: What Does It Mean? </p> <h2>Diagnostic criteria</h2> <p>Unlike narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), there is no official clinical diagnosis for sexual narcissism. The Sexual Narcissism Scale is a 20-item questionnaire that provides a structured way to gauge the extent to which narcissistic traits emerge in sexual behavior.<span></span></p> <p>The SNS assesses levels of sexual narcissism using a series of statements to which people respond on a five-point scale, from strongly disagree (1) to strongly agree (5). In general, higher scores indicate high levels of sexual narcissism. Some sample statements from the SNS are:<span></span> </p> <ul> <li>I would be willing to deceive someone to get him to have sex with me (exploitation). </li> <li>One way to get someone into bed with me is to tell them what they want to hear (exploitation). </li> <li>I would be annoyed if a dating partner said no to sex (right). </li> <li>I should be allowed to have sex whenever I want (right). </li> <li>The feelings of my sexual partners usually do not concern me (lack of empathy). </li> <li>I usually don’t care how my partners feel after sex (lack of empathy). </li> <li>I am an exceptional sexual partner (grandiose view of skills).</li> <li>My sexual partners think I’m fantastic in bed (great view of skills).</li> </ul> <h2>Relationship effects</h2> <p>Sexual narcissism can have a profoundly damaging effect on relationships. Partners of sexual narcissists may feel used, neglected, or unimportant if their partner ignores their emotional and physical needs, ignores their boundaries, or exploits them for sex. Over time, this dynamic can undermine trust and emotional intimacy.<span></span><span></span></p> <p>Partners of people with sexual narcissism often experience:<span></span> </p> <ul> <li><strong>Deception</strong>: Sexual narcissists often engage in infidelity or other forms of betrayal, betraying their partners’ trust and causing emotional pain.</li> <li><strong>Gas lighting</strong>: Sexual narcissists may deny or minimize their harmful behavior, causing their partners to question their perceptions and sanity.</li> <li><strong>Imbalanced power dynamics</strong>: Partners may feel powerless if a sexual narcissist has little empathy and consistently prioritizes their own pleasure. </li> <li><strong>Manipulation</strong>: Sexual narcissists may use emotional manipulation to control their partners, leaving them feeling guilty, ashamed, or inadequate.</li> </ul> <p>People with sexual narcissism may exploit their friends in pursuit of sexual conquests, seek sexual attention outside their relationship, and engage in inappropriate flirting or infidelity.<span></span></p> <h2>How to deal with sexual narcissism in a partner</h2> <p>Sexual narcissistic behavior is a form of emotional abuse that can have long-lasting effects on partners. Dealing with sexual narcissism in a partner can affect your mental health, your self-esteem, and your trust in yourself and others.<span></span><span></span></p> <p>It’s normal to feel sad and confused about the dynamics in the relationship, especially if your partner generally only exhibits narcissistic traits related to sexual activity. However, there are strategies you can consider to deal with sexual narcissism in a partner.</p> <h3>Communicate your needs</h3> <p>If your partner really cares about you and you both want to maintain the relationship, starting an open conversation can be a good first step.</p> <p>Clear communication can help set the tone for change. Although sexual narcissists may focus on their desires, it is important to express your own needs. This may not lead to immediate change, but it can help you clarify what you need from the relationship and when your needs are not being met.<span></span></p> <p>For example, you might say, “I love being intimate with you, and sex is an important part of our connection. But I’ve noticed that our sexual relationship feels one-sided. I’m starting to feel like my needs aren’t there. That will not be achieved, and it hurts me. I want to talk about how we can work together to make things better.”</p> <h3>Setting and enforcing boundaries </h3> <p>Be clear about your emotional and physical boundaries. Communicate these boundaries strongly and consistently, and don’t be afraid to reinforce them. Sexual narcissists may try to manipulate or guilt you into giving in or doing something outside your comfort zone. Staying steadfast is important for your health and emotional well-being and for the health and longevity of your relationship.<span></span></p> <p>You might consider saying, “If this relationship continues, I need respect and attention when I don’t feel like having sex.” I can’t be with someone who punishes me emotionally, like giving me the silent treatment or threatening to find someone. sex elsewhere.”</p> <h3>Prioritize yourself</h3> <p>Being in a relationship with a sexual narcissist can be emotionally draining. Take time for yourself outside the relationship. Prioritize self-care, connect with friends and family, and pursue hobbies that bring you joy. Therapy can provide a safe space to address unhealthy patterns, such as emotional abuse, sexual coercion, and manipulation, and give you the tools needed to cope.<span></span></p> <p>Change is only possible if your partner is willing to work on his behavior. If they dismiss your concerns or continue to ignore your needs, remember that you are not responsible for your partner’s behavior and that you deserve to be treated with respect and dignity.</p> <h3>When should you seek external support?</h3> <p>Co-dependency, sexual abuse or sexual coercion are serious problems that often require outside support.</p> <p>Codependency can lead to an unhealthy dynamic where one partner feels overly responsible for the other’s emotional well-being, making it difficult to set boundaries or leave.<span></span> Sexual abuse or rape is never justified and can have profound psychological consequences. If you’re facing these issues, consider reaching out to professional resources, such as the following, that provide support for people in these situations: </p> <ul> <li><strong>National Domestic Violence Hotline</strong>: Call 800-799-SAFE (7233) or visit thehotline.org for confidential support and safety planning.</li> <li><strong>RAINN (National Rape, Abuse and Incest Network)</strong>:<strong> </strong>Call 800-656-HOPE (4673) or visit rainn.org for a 24/7 hotline and online chat for sexual assault survivors.</li> <li><strong>National Sexual Violence Information Center (NSVRC)</strong>:<strong> </strong>The website nsvrc.org provides educational resources and referrals to local services for people affected by sexual violence.</li> </ul> <h2>Tackling sexual narcissism with a professional </h2> <p>If you suspect that you or your partner is a sexual narcissist, seeking professional help can be a valuable step toward healing and growth. A qualified mental health professional, such as a licensed therapist, relationship counselor, or sex therapist, can help you navigate your relationship dynamics and address sexual narcissism and its impact on your relationship.<span></span> </p> <p>Therapy for sexual narcissism focuses on increasing empathy, exploring the roots of entitlement, and learning how to create healthier, more balanced relationships.<span></span> If you are the partner of someone with sexual narcissism, a therapist can guide you in setting and enforcing boundaries, improving communication, and identifying harmful patterns that need to be addressed.<span></span></p> <p>Therapy can also help you recognize when the relationship is veering into emotional or sexual abusive territory and help you create a safety plan, if necessary.<span></span></p> <h2>Summary </h2> <p>Sexual narcissism is a form of narcissism that focuses on self-centered sexual behavior and a lack of empathy for a partner’s needs. Key characteristics include sexual entitlement, exploitation, low sexual empathy, and an inflated sense of sexual prowess, which can lead to unhealthy, manipulative dynamics in relationships. The consequences for a partner can be emotionally damaging, often leaving him or her feeling devalued or pressured. </p> <p>Addressing sexual narcissism with a mental health professional can provide tools for healing, whether you are the one exhibiting these traits or are a partner of a sexual narcissist. Remember, support is available and with the right help, healthier relationships are possible.</p> </p> <p> Read the original article about Verywell Health.</p> </div><!-- .entry-content --> <footer class=

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