3 signs of online grooming that are easy to overlook

Teens and parents alike may consider themselves familiar with the classic signs of online grooming. For victims, this means withdrawing from friends and family, being secretive about online activities and sharing explicit images of themselves.

But predators are so adept at deceiving their victims that signs of online grooming can be subtle and difficult to detect, says Lauren Coffren, executive director of the Exploited Children Division at the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children.

If the grooming takes place over a period of time, the dynamic can initially feel a lot like any other friendship, filled with conversations about mutual interests.

But another type of grooming, known as financial sextortion, can occur within hours and minutes, leaving victims and their parents unable to notice the traditional or obvious warning signs. In these cases, predators may pose as peers and send nude or explicit photos to their victims, which is not uncommon for teenagers.

“These bad actors are really good at what they do,” Coffren says. “They’ve discovered these tactics to deceive children.”

Signs of grooming you may be missing

1. The child receives many compliments from a new friend.

Predators often gain a child’s trust by giving them a compliment, Coffren says. They may have taken note of the child’s interests or likes and dislikes as evidenced by their social media activities. Then they will flatter the child by pointing out their good taste.

Compliments can also be based on the child’s personality traits, such as his sense of humor or intelligence. Such comments are intended to break down a child’s defenses, and can be especially effective if a child is already craving affirmation.

Parents may be happy that their child is talking to someone online who seems to really like them, but the new contact may have a predatory motive. It is important that parents continually talk to their child about the nature and frequency of online interactions that involve compliments and flattery.

2. The new friend represents your child’s interests.

Predators can skillfully talk to children about their hobbies and passions, including gaming, music, sports and pop culture, Coffren says. They build trust with a victim by being curious about those interests and sharing them.

Again, this dynamic is something that parents typically embrace for their children when it comes to trusted friends. But online, that new connection could be anyone, unless that person legitimately belongs to a child’s broader personal social circle.

If a child becomes enthusiastic about a new online relationship in which shared interests play a key role, parents should remain aware of how it develops further. While it can be an authentic peer-to-peer relationship that is fulfilling for both children, predators know how to make it difficult for a child to tell the difference between a bond based on deception.

3. Their relationship is similar to a friendship, with some differences.

Coffren says that traditional online grooming will often resemble a typical friendship, until the predator’s behavior slowly begins to escalate. They may offer the victim gift cards, in-game currency, or other gifts to appear generous and supportive. A young recipient is likely to consider themselves lucky and not manipulated.

Escalation can also involve riskier chat topics, such as sexual interests. For a teen who wants to feel like an adult, or who is curious about their own sexuality, these conversations can feel like a step toward adulthood. Unfortunately, predators will eventually take advantage of this.

Coffren says threats against the child can follow shortly after these exchanges. A predator often threatens to share screenshots of the chats if the victim does not continue talking to him, or if he refuses to share explicit images of himself.

Coffren urges parents to regularly talk to their children about what healthy relationships and boundaries look like, so they understand the potential implications of behaviors like gift-giving and riskier chats online. Parents should also discuss what a child can do if they are targeted by a predator, such as telling a trusted adult and blocking and reporting that account.

Overall, she warns parents of the dangers associated with children talking to strangers online, given how quickly exploitation can occur. To learn more about what online grooming looks like and how to discuss it with children, Coffren recommends NCMEC’s ​​extensive resources on the topic.

Most importantly, Coffren advises parents to provide unequivocal support to a child who shares that has been a victim of online grooming.

“We put all this pressure on kids to be able to say, ‘Never put yourself in that position,’ instead of saying, ‘Okay, if you’re in that position, here are the steps you can do to get into that position. position”, says Coffren.

If you are a child who is being sexually exploited online, or you know a child who is being sexually exploited online, or have witnessed the exploitation of a child online, you can report this to the CyberTipline.which is administered by the National Center for Missing Exploited & Children.