BORIS JOHNSON: It’s time to pack up, drop Factor 50, leave Britain and reflect on the madness and utter stupidity to which the Labour Party has descended.

I don’t know where the Starmer family went last Monday when the rioters were so uncivilized that they postponed their holiday. Perhaps it was somewhere in the European Union to announce the “reset” of relations that seems to be underway.

Perhaps there is still a gîte in the Dordogne waiting for the Starmers to arrive, with the welcome bottle of rosé sadly locked in the fridge door. Or perhaps there are still golf balls in the Algarve waiting for the honour of being hit into the rough with Starmers clubs.

There may well be a few empty sun loungers on a Greek beach, still waiting for Sir Keir and his wife to push them deeper into the sand as they lounge and clink pina coladas and ‘Keir’ royales.

In resorts around the world, bartenders and hotel staff are wondering: Will it be us? Will we be the lucky ones? Will the human pole come and park here?

Last weekend, far-right protesters held a demonstration in Sunderland, while riot police stood guard.

As I said, I have no idea what part of the world Sir Keir will favour for his custom. But I do have a strong opinion about when this festival should take place and the answer is now. Right now.

Come on Starmer, man or mouse? Forget the visual aspect of the situation. Fight this cowardly fear about your personal ratings and the possibility of the public belittling you before your holiday.

Think of your family! Stop worrying about Britain being in a state of ‘powder keg’ flammability. It’s time to pack your bags, pack the Autan and the Factor 50 and voila, open the crew doors in manual mode and leave Britain.

It is time to go on holiday, Mr Prime Minister, because over the past week it has become increasingly clear that your presence has made no difference to the unrest, or has actually made it worse.

The police, as always, have the situation under control. The wrongdoers and wrongdoers are now being brought to justice with ruthless efficiency.

Instead of holding more meetings and giving more mindless press conferences, it’s time to recharge your batteries. You need to rub the sand between your toes, squint at the sea and think.

You have to think about the events of the past month and the whole strategy of the Labour government, because it is beginning to look like a frenzy of utter stupidity.

Perhaps you could start with the insane plan to cancel the prison building program and simultaneously release thousands of serious criminals before they have served their sentences.

Where are you going to put all those rioters once they’ve been convicted? At Butlin’s?

And what happens when thousands of prisoners released early decide, as unfortunately many of them do, to reoffend? Where do they go?

You need more prisons, yes, otherwise people will conclude that your critics were right all along and that the government is now in the hands of left-wing human rights lawyers who are basically soft on crime.

And then we need some space to think about the meaning of these riots and their causes.

You say that this is all a form of “far-right brutality,” and I agree with you that anyone who resorts to violence and intimidation must be punished. The riots are outrageous. It is a criminal justice problem that requires a criminal justice solution, and they are getting a solution. But is that the whole story?

I saw a shocking statistic that showed that 34% of the population actually supports the protests and the associated violence.

Does this mean that more than a third of the British population hold ‘far-right’ views?

I know some people argue that it is ‘far right’ to believe in Brexit, support the existence of the state of Israel, or share JK Rowling’s views on what exactly it means to be a woman today.

There may even be people on the left who believe that 34% of the population is ‘far right’, in the sense that they actually hold racist or intolerant views.

I don’t believe that for a second. I believe that Britain is, on the whole, a remarkably loving, welcoming and generous society. So how can a third of Britons apparently support these protests? What went wrong?

Prime Minister, it is time, as you sip your drink, to reflect on whether you have struck the right tone on illegal immigration. I mean real illegal immigration, the kind of immigration that is frowned upon, particularly by those who brought their families here legally.

You began your term with the joyful announcement that you would cancel the Rwanda plan, even though it is the only idea that has a chance of succeeding and ending the brutal gangs on the other side of the Channel. The plan is now being followed by many other governments.

You announced that around 100,000 asylum seekers would be given amnesty, instead of being deported.

You closed the ship Bibby Stockholm, where some of the illegally arrived people were being held.

Whatever your intentions, you clearly give the impression of a man who has no plans to end illegal immigration because he simply doesn’t care.

Yvette Cooper, the new Home Secretary, has indeed put forward the extraordinary idea that we should stop talking about “illegal” immigration and just talk about “irregular” immigration. This is an insult to those who, as I say, came here legally.

There is no excuse for the behavior of the rioters, who deserve to be punished. But there is no excuse for a government that seems deaf to the concerns of its people and suggests that it actively hates all citizens who share those concerns.

It is worth thinking about this, Sir Keir. And while you are at it, perhaps you should rethink your whole approach to economics.

You have delivered a huge public sector pay rise, without any productivity gains, as a gift to union bosses, while scrapping the previous Conservative plan to cut the massive expansion of Whitehall bureaucracy by 66,000 jobs.

We all know that 80% of government spending goes to civil servants’ salaries, and yet Labour once again has no reform plans. They would rather not build any new hospitals.

You are about to pay for all this wage inflation with downright unnecessary, growth-sapping taxes on pensions, investments and much more. This is madness.

This is the last thing we need now after all the misery and expense of Covid. In a pathetic attempt to justify your tax increases, you lied about the state of the economy and got caught.

You have already brought the issue of free speech back to the universities by repealing the law that had just been passed to protect free speech.

You’ve named family members who have personally donated money to you or your Treasury Secretary, Rachel Reeves, for government positions.

Stop all this nonsense and go on holiday, Mr. Prime Minister. Don’t get hung up on the order of your departure, leave now.

Be brave, confront your critics and learn the perspective that comes with distance and a kilo of retsina.

Go now, and do not come back until you have strengthened your ideas.