Interview: From racism in Kollywood to sexual exploitation in Mollywood, singer Gowry Lekshmi opens up

Posted on by Vaseline

In the colourful world of Kerala’s art scene, where every detail has its own story, Gowry Lekshmi’s journey stands out as a powerful example of the challenges she faces behind the spotlight. In the echoes of her songs, a story unfolds not only of her artistic successes but also of her struggles.

As Kerala faces the Hema Commission report that sheds light on the ‘compromises’ a woman has to make to succeed in the film industry, Gowry Lekshmi’s voice rises above the chorus. Hers is a story of resilience against sexual abuse, cyber attacks, racism and the haunting spectre of mental health battles.

Through her art, she has tackled these endless battles head-on, transforming her pain into a powerful, poetic testament to survival and strength. In a conversation with South FirstGowry Lekshmi talks about her personal struggles and successes.

Gowry Lekshmi

Q: While Kerala is discussing the Hema Commission report, and many have come forward to support the survivors, you were one of the first to speak out about the sexual abuse. Eventually, you faced cyber attacks. What is your take on the double standards of the society?

A: To me, the Hema Commission report is not surprising. The problems and discrimination that we have been dealing with for years have just come out in the open, that’s all. The report highlights the widespread misogyny, sexual harassment and lack of opportunities for women in the Malayalam film industry, issues that we have known about for a long time, but have often been ignored.

When we open up to these kinds of sexual assaults and bitter experiences through art, people often get defensive. However, most of the public is curious and wants to support the victims. The findings are 100 percent real.

Also read: Rape, murder of doctor in Kolkata: What Supreme Court-appointed task force expected to do for doctors’ safety

Q: What effect did the brutal cyber attack have on you as an artist?

A: I have been experiencing cyber attacks since the beginning of my career, although they were small at first. But after I released my song “Murivu”, which is about the sexual abuse I have experienced in my life, I faced a huge cyber attack that was shocking and overwhelming.

But it also changed my world in some ways. I realized that as an artist, the audience not only controls my songs, but also my personal life. At that time, I felt like I was being controlled as a person. This was a huge reality check for me.

Q: Can you share some of your personal experiences that inspired you to “MURIVU“?

A: “MURIVU“is not scripted; it is based on my personal experiences. When I was about eight or ten years old, I had a disturbing experience on a bus ride. I still remember the clothes I was wearing that day, a skirt with the colors red, white and blue, and a sleeveless top in yellow and red.

The bus was full and my mother made me sit in a seat because it was crowded. An older man, much older than my father, was sitting behind me. Although I can’t remember his face, I can still see him in my mind. I felt his hand lift my top and reach for my stomach. I pushed his hand away and told my mother that I wanted to go forward. At that moment, there was no one to tell what had happened, but I knew instinctively that it was wrong.

When I was thirteen, I had a similar experience with a family member. When I noticed changes in his behavior, I stopped going there. I didn’t know then if I could talk about it or if anyone would believe me at all.

V. How Is it common for playback singers to feel pressured to ‘compromise’ for opportunities?

A: People often think that abuse and sexual harassment only happen in the acting world, but that is not the case. In the playback industry, these kinds of abuses exist on an even larger scale. That is why I have decided never to sing for a particular music director. Some music directors in our industry only offer opportunities if we are willing to make ‘compromises’. I had such an experience when I was 22.

Unfortunately, it is a common situation, but no singer speaks out about it. However, it is important not to assume that everyone is like this. I have also worked with music directors who are very ethical, treat us with respect and offer a fair salary.

Also read: Rape, murder of doctor in Kolkata: What Supreme Court-appointed task force expected to do for doctors’ safety

Q. Now that you are known as an independent artist, how is it different from playback singing? And what are the struggles?

A: I see playback singing as a task where I go and do the assigned task. I come on time and do my best as a singer according to the orders of the music director. After all, the song is like the child of the music director.

In contrast, with independent music I invest all my energy from beginning to end. Even after the release, and even years later, the art remains my own child. This is where the special focus for my independent works lies.

The independent music world is extremely challenging. Financial problems are more obvious. If I have a hit with playback singing, the reach is greater because the film, music director, actors and others contribute to the success.

However, in independent music, even if my song is a hit, its reach cannot be compared to that of a movie song, at least for now. The independent space offers freedom; I can write the lyrics and not have to wait for anyone’s approval. By meeting different independent musicians and listening to their work, I have been exposed to this space.

Q: You made your debut in the Malayalam industry as a lyricist and music director at the age of 14. Since then, you have faced various problems. Is there any difference in the way you deal with similar problems now?

A: The big difference between dealing with problems as a child and as an adult is that I now set my boundaries clearly. I have a clear idea of ​​who I talk to about my problems or pain. When I encounter a problem, my personal circle shrinks to only 3 or 4 people. That’s how small my personal circle is. I only share my emotional space within my comfort zone.

But when I encounter resistance, I am just as stubborn now as I was then. If someone criticizes me, I don’t base my career decisions on that alone. I share my problems and experiences publicly, but no one can see my vulnerability in a public space. That is a conscious choice of mine.

Q. In Mollywood, you are the first celebrity to openly talk about your mental health issues, including being diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and self-harm. It takes immense courage to share such personal struggles. What are your thoughts on this?

A: Maintaining mental health is just as crucial as physical health, and therapy has been transformative for me. I discovered I had Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) during the COVID pandemic, characterized by intense emotional pain, self-blame, isolation, and self-harm. While BPD is not an illness but a state of uncontrolled emotion, I used self-harm as an outlet for my mental distress, but not with suicidal intent.

BPD manifests itself in different ways for individuals; my symptoms were more internal, making them invisible to those around me, including my husband Ganesh. Both Ganesh and I have sought therapy and regularly discuss our progress, which has improved our lives significantly. We talk openly about our mental health journey and our collective efforts have been instrumental in our personal growth.

Despite common misconceptions about mental health, such as suggestions to practice yoga or watch movies, we focus on a comprehensive approach. Just as physical fitness requires regular exercise and a healthy diet, maintaining mental health requires similar dedication and care.

Gowry Lekshmi performs on stage.

Q: Shwetha Mohan revealed in an interview that she was unaware of the fact that the song she sang was released in another singer’s voice. Have you had similar bitter experiences?

A: Singing a song takes hours of hard work. After we finish it and the music director approves the song, there are times when we lose that song. Some inform us about the change of singer, while others don’t. I have experienced both in my career.

Recently I had a bitter experience in the Tamil playback industry. I sang a song which has become one of the most popular in South India. I was the first to record it. After a few weeks I got a call from the music director who told me that they would not use my voice for the song.

The crew had quickly decided not to use a Malayalee singer for the song. I told him that if my pronunciation was the problem, I could improve it and re-record the song. I had no problem with a re-recording. However, the music director said that there was no need for a Malayalee. This was purely a racist remark.

I can understand if the song doesn’t suit my voice or if the music director didn’t like the final result with my voice, because I respect the music director’s vision of his song. But these kinds of racist remarks are unfortunate.

Also read: Choreographer arrested for raping UG student in Bengaluru on pretext of giving her a lift, survivor arrested for reckless driving

Q: Your stage performances often get a lot of energy and enthusiasm from the audience. However, that same audience can have negative opinions about you in the online space. Who do you trust more, the live audience or the online audience?

A: I feel like I’ve reached a point where I don’t trust my audience anymore. They can change at any moment: those who love me today might hate me tomorrow, and vice versa. The human spirit is constantly changing. If I weren’t a celebrity, I would only experience this from a few people, but as an artist whose work reaches a larger audience, I encounter it from thousands of people. This inconsistency can sometimes be confusing.

What should I do? Since public support is unpredictable and can be withdrawn at any time, I am now focusing solely on my art. I have decided to stop relying on public support and concentrate on creating my work.

Q: What’s your favorite independent song? Is there a song you listen to over and over again?

Every independent creation of mine has my soul and sweat. Among them Poothappatt is one of my all time favorites.

Mukile is another one, made during the COVID time. The song is about rain, which is not everyone’s cup of tea and is not on the so-called hit list. I listen to it a lot though.

(Edited by Neena)

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