Take action and protect your child from sexual advances

A glance at social media reveals a disturbing trend: the sexualization of children. As fashion trends once reserved for adults seep into children’s wardrobes, the line between innocence and inappropriateness is becoming increasingly thin. Has protecting their gullibility become so alien that we now film them singing and dancing to sexually charged songs in skimpy clothing—and then cheer them on?

Perhaps we are unknowingly pushing our children into a world far beyond their years? Loice Noo, a child psychologist, says that indecency in a child is expressed in the language they use – how someone speaks or comments about them, how they dress; they gauge their suitability against other children and their sense of touch.

When a child dresses differently than he or she sees in church, school, or other social gathering, he or she may become confused and wonder whether he or she is dressed appropriately or inappropriately.

“If they don’t have the language or the command to express their discomfort, they walk around in shame and insecurity. If the parent or guardian is constantly dressing them that way, it becomes their life theme. They feel ashamed and embarrassed, which causes them to have very low self-esteem,” she explains.

One of the subtle signs of a sexualized child is their response to touch. Loice explains that this child may cower, withdraw from social situations, or run away. For example, when they are supposed to play with other children, the child may refuse to mingle.

“If they are touched in an unwanted way, they protect their private parts. If they then have to wear shorts as part of their school uniform, they may not want to wear them.”

Another indicator is how they interact with toys. “How they interact with a toy, whether it’s familiar or not, you’ll notice that they either reject it, they rip it to pieces, or they get too intimate with it.”

It also manifests in how a child sleeps and eats. “I have dealt with a case where a child could not eat properly around the mother because she saw her with another man, who was not her father, and they were touching each other inappropriately.”

Loice says that some of these things only start to manifest later, around 12-14 years old, if they are not taken care of. Either this child becomes limitless; anyone can touch, hold or do whatever they want, or they can be extremely guarded. That means they do not want to interact with people of the gender that sexualizes them.

“For example, if it’s a man, you see that they don’t want anything to do with men and vice versa.”

Loice shares that the child may be aware of the inappropriateness as they grow up, so if they are not protected at this point, they go into self-preservation mode.

The biggest clue to inappropriate clothing is common sense, says Loice. “It’s hot; the child is overdressed. It’s cold and the child is wearing a spaghetti top, a bare back, a tank top, – light clothing. Then the third thing is where are you going to take this child? What is the environment? If you’re going swimming; this child is wearing a swimsuit in such an environment. Then we ask if we have covered the child’s erotic zones (neck, chest, upper arm, thigh) in such a way that they are protected.”

“Abusers now don’t start with the intimate parts, but with these sensual areas. And then comments about these parts can promote body shaming.”

The responsibility, however, lies with the parent or caregiver. “Children have predictable thoughts and behaviors. If you observe them on a weekly basis, you can identify the different patterns they pick up. You can’t control the whole village, but you can gain access to your child.”