New theme park manager Mars Attracts is the strangest piece of IP necromancy I’ve seen in a long time

I really shouldn’t be that surprised. If a park sim based on Tim Burton’s 1996 B-movie homage Mars Attacks wasn’t on my bingo card, it’s because I recently threw it away and replaced it with a bobblehead that just nods in amused agreement at whatever video games decide to do. And conceptually, Jurassic World Evolution with captive humans instead of dinosaurs isn’t not a potential winner, right? Still, I was mildly surprised to hear that Mars Attracts, coming out sometime next year, is the first licensed game of the film. But then I realized I’d never thought to check it out before, which might explain the lack of these games. Do you think they made the pun and then worked their way back? Respectable, honestly.

You’ll notice how the trailer jumps back and forth between historical periods. You have a cowboy who’s desperate in a theme park. An old Roman guy who’s desperate in a ride. An astronaut who’s desperate in a ride. Lots of desperation in rides, is the theme here. The reason for all this desperation is that you’re actually traveling through time, like the Martians, to grab people from different time periods. Then you put them on display in “highly customizable habitats” that mimic their natural environment. Once they’re good and docile, you can start exploring and unlocking new ways to entertain your guests. Apparently, if you explore them too much, they might try to become a runner. Speaking as a human, that’s true.

In terms of rides, it’s more like a Theme Park than a Planet Coaster, with fixed rides instead of customizable tracks. I assume Theme Park had customizable tracks too. My main memory of that is the swampy poop bins, because apparently my brain thinks books I read last year are less important to remember than a poop joke from a 30 year old game. Thanks for that, skullmeat! So your skullmeat in Mars Attracts will mainly be used to sort utilities, keep your guests happy, and stay informed about escaped humans and environmental hazards.

It’s from Irish studio Outlier, who previously made This Means Warp – a lively mix of FTL and Overcooked. I’m always up for a good park sim, especially a good trial run, so I’m excited to see how this turns out.