Roommate is an “intrusive thought” OCD, not a “cleaning freak” OCD

DENVER — Local resident Davey Hilton was “very disappointed” when he found out his new roommate, Nina McKenna, had the “intrusive thoughts” variant of OCD, rather than the more “helpful,” “clean-crazy” OCD, offended sources confirmed.

“When Nina told me about her OCD diagnosis, I was elated. Not because she trusted me enough to share some very personal information, but because I assumed it meant our place would be immaculate,” Hilton said. “We talk about finding crumbs in the shag carpet with a mustache comb ‘impeccable.’ Yes, I know OCD can be terribly debilitating, but that’s a small price to pay for a clean place for Nina. But it turns out Nina is more of the ‘what if I jump out of this window’ or ‘what if I yell a racial slur in this subway car’ type of OCD. I didn’t even know that was a thing.”

McKenna was understandably frustrated by Hilton’s insensitivity.

“I’m usually pretty open about my diagnosis and 99% of people are understanding and sympathetic. However, Davey unfortunately had a very stereotypical idea of ​​what OCD looks like. He seemed genuinely pissed off when he realized I wasn’t going to clean his bedroom weekly,” McKenna said. “Later, when I explained that one of my most intrusive thoughts is to lose control and touch a hot stove, he tried to ‘help’ by insisting that the best way to deal with it was to wash the pots and load the dishwasher. He also once asked me if I could help him solve the missing vape pen case ‘Detective Monk style.’ Do I look like Tony Shaloub, asshole?”

Psychologist Dr. Miguel Freeman delved deeper into the ways in which various disorders are often misinterpreted.

“Pop culture has unfortunately given us a lot of harmful representations of neurodivergence. But as we learned from ‘Rudolph the Rednosed Reindeer,’ we should accept people who are different, assuming that their differences are useful to us,” Dr. Freeman explained. “A person’s true value in a capitalist society comes from whether or not he or she can make money. I mean, what’s the point of being autistic if you can’t count cards? Or having an anxiety disorder if you’re not willing to be a charismatic New Jersey mob boss?”

As this article went to press, Hilton has been diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder, much to everyone’s surprise.