Do helplines really help? Bullied women share their stories

The emergency number to protect potential victims: is it effective?

Despite a terrifying ordeal where a trusted person turned harasser and threatened me by bragging about his father’s influence as a retired police officer, I struggled to get help when I needed it most. The initial response from the emergency hotline was disheartening, leaving me feeling trapped and desperate.

I called 911 and was told that they could only help if the man was physically at my location. If I wanted to file a complaint, I would have to go to the nearest police station, they said, which frustrated me. When I expressed my concern about him calling my friends and family, the person on the other end simply repeated their previous advice.

Fortunately, through personal help, I was able to get in touch with a women’s cell inspector in Bengaluru, who immediately took up my case and acted swiftly, thus providing me with the relief and protection I was seeking.

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What happens when a woman is harassed?

In a conversation with several survivors of intimidation for the South First, This correspondent realized that despite the fact that many such cases occur, complaints are rarely filed.

There is a need for better education and resources, not only for victims, but also for the authorities responsible for protecting them. Women should not be questioned about their next steps or feelings, as if they have to endure intimidation in silence because the system is too difficult to navigate or unresponsive. The struggle for safety, respect and the right support remains an urgent issue that demands comprehensive and immediate action.

Sunitha (name changed) drew attention to the concern and fear that so many of her friends and colleagues have about harassment in the wake of the new developments surrounding the rape and murder of a junior doctor at a Kolkata hospital. A fellow survivor, she told South First, “It always starts with threatening phone calls or messages, but often it leads to something worse. We always keep an eye on our shoulders and only ask for prevention instead of protection. And in many cases, like in Kolkata, it is the statements of the loved ones of the victims after they are dead that bring such horrific crimes to light. That should not be the case.”

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An advocate on how officers in Tamil Nadu handle such complaints

Recently, an advocate from Tamil Nadu highlighted the shortcomings in support systems for women facing harassment. “The helpline is almost useless,” she said South Firstpointing out that it often does not function effectively. “Their focus is reactive, not preventive. It is disgusting.” Initial complaints to the police usually result in a simple warning, which can worsen the situation. “What is a woman to do?” the lawyer asked, capturing the frustration and helplessness of many. Despite numerous initiatives and support options, their implementation often falls short. This is a short excerpt from what the lawyer said about ways to address the widespread problem.

• Emergency helplines are often inaccessible and the operators often do not have the right training to adequately guide survivors.
• Complaints from the police, While they are intended to be beneficial, they actually warn and encourage perpetrators. Without proper follow-up, these warnings can do more harm than good.
• Counseling services are not helpful to most people, especially those who are not privileged enough. Because there are few people trained to deal with the emotional trauma a survivor feels, their mental health deteriorates further.
• Awareness campaigns, if done well, it will be helpful. But there needs to be a call for a comprehensive review and overhaul of these support systems to ensure they effectively protect women and deter harassment, the doctor explained.

Far beyond the immediate threat and panic of harassment, survivors are deeply affected long afterward. Female survivors often report experiencing intense anxiety, depression, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). The fear of repeated harassment or escalation of threats creates a constant state of hypervigilance and stress.

I know from my own experience that the constant harassment leads to sleepless nights, constant fear and a feeling of imprisonment in my own life.

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Hesitation in filing complaints

Bengaluru too has seen a rise in harassment cases. Recent news reports of women being stalked, threatened, harassed and raped have sparked outrage. These incidents underscore the urgent need for systemic change as existing mechanisms continue to fall short.

Rama (name changed) said: “It’s confusing and frustrating how some men feel privileged.” She said she left the city because of her encounter. Her parents abandoned her during her difficult time because they believed it would damage their reputation in the community.

“My niece, who is only 16 years old, was harassed by an older man who kept stalking her and showing up at her house with no way out for several months,” said Sita (name changed) South First, “Her parents then took the step of filing a complaint.” It is important to note that filing complaints is only possible if parents are not bound by the social stigma that comes with it and do not tend to blame their children, which is often the case.

Sheila (name changed), a Bengaluru resident who recently completed her bachelor’s degree in Delhi and came to the city to pursue her master’s. “It started with harassing messages and soon progressed to death threats. I decided to go back home as I had no idea who to ask for help. He came to know about it and came to the railway station, threatening to create a commotion before I could leave. Luckily, there were some policemen on the platform, so as soon as I walked towards them, he quickly left. And I never got over it,” she recalls about a ‘friend’ from the past.

Victims often express frustration at the lack of clear guidance and support and do not know who to approach to take action at all. And more importantly, they never know if their own families will ultimately believe them.

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Surendara, a father of two daughters, reflects a shift in mindset that many parents are beginning to embrace. “If someone is harassing my child, I will use all my power to hurt him,” he admits, acknowledging the anger such situations provoke. But he also acknowledged the need for change, not just in how we respond to threats, but in the lessons we pass down through generations. “The idea of ​​hurting someone has to change,” he says. “The roots, the generational lessons, it all has to change.”

Surendara’s focus has shifted from a reactive stance to a proactive one, emphasizing the importance of creating a safe space for his daughters. “I now just focus on creating a safe space for my daughter to reach out to me if she needs help,” he explains.

Divakaran, a brother of three sisters, recounted a disturbing experience when he discovered that a man had been stalking and harassing his sister for years without his knowledge. “I had no idea until one day I saw him following my sister and her friend,” he said. “I walked up to him and made sure his face hit the ground.”

However, his sister’s reaction made him reconsider his actions. “She told me, ‘The way you are acting out of anger is what all men do. We should have gone to the police,'” Divakaran said. He added that he had seen his college friends struggle, often feeling unable to go to the police, with some even being asked for money to expedite their cases. “I wish justice was easier and more accessible to everyone,” he said.

Do officers understand why women are hesitant to file a complaint?

DSP Sarah Fathima, who oversees Bengaluru’s South East division, said that help is readily available for women facing harassment. “We are always available and I have people who go on rounds at night,” Fathima said. She cited the presence of a one-stop help centre, meant to ensure quick action against harassment. “If you don’t contact us, how will we know that you are in trouble?” she said.

“We are also responsive on social media platforms like Twitter and Instagram,” Fathima added. “Women can voice their concerns there and we will immediately track and trace the harassers.” For those who do not have access to online forums, she encouraged them to directly contact police stations or known officers for immediate help. “If women do not have access to the online forum, they can come to the police station or contact police officers they know to get immediate help,” she assured.

(Edited by Neena)

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