Assignment: Ukiah-When a hitman is the only solution

TIME: Mid afternoon, mid May 2025

LOCATION: Long-abandoned jail cell in former county jail (top floor, Mendocino County Courthouse.)

PRESENT: A senior, unnamed Mendocino County deputy district attorney, an unnamed circuit court judge, and an unnamed clerk of court.

DA: Okay, everybody who needs to be here is here, so we might as well get down to business. Judge, do we all agree that every method and strategy we have employed with respect to these two individuals has failed? And that after 16 years of incarceration, probation, parole, fines and other punishments in Mendocino County, this couple has proven beyond the reach of the justice system? And do we recognize that perhaps some, ahh, extreme measures are necessary?

JUDGE: We do. We agree. I have spoken to every one of my colleagues, both individually and as a group, and there is no dissenting voice, no opinion that contradicts the seriousness of the situation and our powerlessness to address it. We are unanimous.

DA: And I continue with the support and confidence of my superiors. We are united in our sense of duty and in our commitment to confidentiality in this plan. There is no alternative proposed.

JUDGE: And do you have the person today who is able and willing to carry out our plans?

DA: Yes, I do.

JUDGE: And…?

DA: Just a moment. If you’ll excuse me.

(At which point the deputy prosecutor leaves the cell/location)

(And returns)

DA: May I introduce the man whose history and experiences I have presented in writing to those involved in this program?

JUDGE: Please.

DA: Today (removed) is with us who, as I said, is known to us on paper. He is here to answer questions and outline actions to achieve the desired results.

WITNESS: Thank you. I believe I understand the mission and I believe I am fully capable of carrying it out with extreme prejudice. Any questions?

JUDGE: I, we, are familiar with your background, both in the Marine Corps in the Afghanistan campaign and your recent work with criminal operations, including the so-called mafia and two separate motorcycle gangs.

WITNESS: Right.

JUDGE: And you understand that we are asking you to undertake a technically illegal operation, but which you can undertake with complete and absolute immunity from prosecution at the county, state or federal level. And that your compensation, in addition to immunity, will be the sum of two hundred thousand dollars ($200,000) upon completion of the campaign.

WITNESS: Right.

DA: Briefly explain how you plan to carry out this assignment.

WITNESS: Yes. I understand that the two intended targets, a man and a woman, have proven themselves resistant and immune to rehabilitation efforts, whether by incarceration, imposition of fines or deportation within the nation. That they are a threat to civilized people and that they have been known to abuse public facilities, including libraries, hospital workers, shelter workers and their clients, non-profit organizations, social services, and average local citizens. That they ———

JUDGE: ———I think your understanding is sufficient. And to address the problem?

WITNESS: I prefer not to reveal any details. I can assure you with certainty that the pair will be eliminated within five days, beginning the moment I get the go-ahead.

DA: And cleaning up? Taking away the bodies?

WITNESS: That is not my job. I will neutralize the intended pair and move on.

Participants exchange glances, nod and advise the hired security guard to proceed as necessary. Payment is made as previously agreed.

JUDGE: I think that’s all. Looks at the clerk, says the meeting is over, gives a short Thank you and nods toward the door. The clerk leaves.

JUDGE: And she is Target Number Three. (Looks, nods at the closed door.) No witnesses.

WITNESS: Understood. Order of elimination has yet to be determined.

Exits.

A former friend sent a letter to the editor opposing a local project; Tom Hine agrees. Some people disagree. She enjoys the right to free speech (First Amendment), yet she has demanded that the UDJ censor my column. She once waged a massive cancel campaign because (some of) her opinions and (some of) mine differed. TWK ponders the hypocrisy.