Danica Patrick Shows Up at Burning Man and May Have a New Boyfriend

Full disclosure: I fell asleep in the fourth quarter of that game because I went to the recliner instead of staying at Screencaps HQ.

I get it, the weather was bad and they had to postpone last night’s game, but that didn’t stop them from rocking the house and singing the 10 songs that have to be sung before the game starts.

I swear to god, that woman couldn’t have sung the black national anthem any slower if she tried. There I was, fighting with Spectrum because our internet was down for 6 hours (they finally fixed it at 2:30 in the morning) and the black national anthem just kept going and going and going.

Then Coco Jones (no idea who she is) comes up and sings the national anthem at a beautiful tempo. She gets the job done. She has a great voice. But the woman knows this isn’t about her, it’s about real Americans who just want to watch football.

That being said, I am calling on Coco Jones to sing the national anthem at all future big games where they show the anthem on the broadcast. There is no bulls–t when she gets on the mic. Boom, sing it and get out of there.

Anyway, regarding football, let’s take a look at some reactions:

• I can’t wait to hear the analysis on kickoffs from the end zone versus kicks in the return zone. Will there be a kickoff return for a touchdown this season? I’m not convinced we’ll see one.
• Starting the ball on the 30 on touchbacks is ridiculous. Constantly putting defenses at a disadvantage is getting old. One pass and these guys are over 50.
• What is the strategy if you are ahead with :20 left on the clock and you kick off? Do you let the team start on the 30 or do you let them bring the ball back and take the risk that they don’t bring the ball back after the 30?
• The NFL needs to do a better job of explaining all the offensive line flags or people will go crazy the first eight games of the year. Just wait until someone watches a playoff game and a misaligned player costs a team five yards and negates a big play.
• I didn’t notice Collinsworth gagging on Mahomes or Lamar like he normally does. That might have been the biggest surprise of the night.

– John from SD writes:

Did Cris Collinsworth say that a 0.3 chance of scoring is equal to a 1 in 300 chance of scoring?

Do we really need the NFL in Brazil? Yeah, I know, marketing! The NFL games in London seemed like a build-up to a London team. Now what about MX City and Brazil (and Germany)? What the hell was Jac Collinsworth wearing during that halftime break;

Can we still use the term metrosexual?

Even with warmer weather, SoCal is suffering from seasonal madness. Christmas trees already at Costco and this from local stores:

Kinsey:

The problem I’ve always had with Jac Collinsworth is the fake smile, the mannerisms a research analyst talent scout told him to lean into and the oh no damn itmetrosexual, I earned this job aura.

Jac Collinsworth has been on Twitter since 2010 and has 20,000 followers. I know measuring someone’s pop culture value via Twitter count isn’t the best barometer, but Jac Collinsworth has been rammed down our throats for 5-7 years now and this man can’t amass 30k followers based on just his name and maybe a few RTs from his dad and his NBC buddies?

This guy is on NBC all the time and yet he can’t build a following. Is it possible that Cris had Jac’s employment written into his contract? That’s the only explanation I can think of for his employment.

‘I broke a minibar in a Tunisian hotel after escaping from a Mad Max scene in Tripoli’

– Retired Michigan Sergeant Major Bo, who has had a few experiences in his life, shares his minibar story. Hookstead will be jealous that I have this story:

In 2013 I unknowingly ended 2 years of work in Libya. I had been tossing and turning between Benghazi and Tripoli for a while, but it seemed we were approaching the finish line.

One morning all hell broke loose in Tripoli.

Different Libyan factions started fighting each other..it was straight up Mad Max in that city. By sundown the EU told all their citizens to leave (there was only one plane left) and the airport became quite a target. So we decided to stay where we were in the not so nice part of town and see how it went.

A few hours later we decided that the only option left was to “escape and evade” to Tunisia. This meant driving 70 miles through uncertain country, crossing an international border and hoping for the best.

It took us over 6 hours to get out of the city, another 20+ armed checkpoints (never get into a gunfight at a checkpoint) to get through, but we made it. We finally arrived in Djerba, Tunisia (closest international airport) around 3am and found an old French hotel. Each room had a mini bar with a few cold beers and a few bottles of wine.

We smoked those minibars, called backup, and smoked those. Three hours later we managed to get a flight to Zurich and then back home.

The best money I ever spent was on the booze in those mini bars. I’ve become picky about how I spend my remaining “cat lives” after that… I still have one left.

Kinsey:

Now let’s get cooking! The stories of hotel minibar destruction have officially flared up with this throwback from Bo in MI.

This is like Brandon P. in Pinckney, MI telling us about attending a Russian defense contractor show a few years ago. By the way, if you’ve never read that story, I highly recommend it. It’s probably the most requested content in the history of Screencaps.

As I’ve always said, there are Screencaps readers who have seen and done a few things. There are some serious characters floating around in the inbox.

Give me more stories about minibar destruction or stories about fleeing Libya when the shit hits the fan.

Email address: [email protected]

Thanks for the kind words. This time of year is INCREDIBLE for content.

– Brian AF writes:

This may be the best “Stuff You Guys Send In & Stuff I Like” section ever put together. More like this please.

https://www.outkick.com/culture/genny-shawcross-hayley-maxfield-declare-war-pumpkin-spice-latte-mafia

Kinsey:

17 years in this business, Brian. It never gets old. NEVER. The content keeps evolving. I keep evolving and growing (outwardly). I know guys who left this business to become real writers and guys who became drunks and degenerates. And guys who became LinkedIn self-help gurus.

There is no place I would rather be than here in the trenches with Real America and the people who need Screencaps every day. I am convinced that I was put on this planet to do this column.

Email address: [email protected]

Get ready for what? That’s it. I’m going after NewsChannel5 today. They need to pay for this.

– Stacy B. writes:

Nashville Media is spreading disinformation.

No, the heating is NOT on. Grab a soft blanket. It’s summer. Accept it.

Next week it will be about 32 degrees. The PSL mafia can go to hell.

‘My house has collapsed’

– Danny W. shares:

I have not been in touch for a while but I felt this needed to be filed. My house collapsed. I was away for a few days for work and came home with this.

Kinsey:

Gathering? Yes, gather for a patio party to crush KIRKLAND MARGS and watch 10 hours of college football.

Summer just keeps on going!

– Helen checks in from Alabama:

This is at The Pig (Piggly Wiggly grocery store chain) in Homewood, AL. They released this when there were 115 days until Christmas! Unreal!

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That’s it for this first Friday of September. I hope you’re feeling well and motivated for a whole weekend of football and summer. Let’s end the workweek on a high note. Let’s have another 30 minutes lunch before heading back to the office to tie up the loose ends and then have a quick 9 minutes for a big meat dinner.

Have a great weekend.

Email address: [email protected]

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