“We cannot portray a society that we think is functioning well when in reality it is not” – Drachma Parents

While the legal structures regarding LGBTI+ rights may be supportive of minorities in Malta, “Maltese society as a whole leaves a lot to be desired when it comes to tolerance and acceptance,” said Louisa Grech, coordinator of the Drachma Parents Group The Malta Independent on Sunday.

The Malta Independent on Sunday contacted Anna Marie Mifsud, member of Grech and Drachma Parents, for an interview.

The question was asked about the reality faced by LGBTI+ people and their families in Malta.

Grech said: “We can’t keep saying we don’t want to educate children or we don’t want to talk about sexuality and gender in schools. That’s not possible because there’s so much diversity, especially with the growing population. We keep trying to segregate people who don’t fit into the norm. So we just can’t keep portraying a society that we think is functioning well when in reality it’s not.”

Elaborating on the reality of LGBTI+ people, Grech said that “not so long ago, LGBTI+ people chose to live a life of conformity to what society thought was the right family model. They were afraid to come out, to express who they really were, so they lived a lie. Today, families are so diverse, including heterosexual ones.”

Grech said: “I don’t know why we keep putting people in boxes, when so many different sciences show us that there is so much diversity in nature. Some may still be conditioned by their upbringing and what they have come to believe.” She said that “it takes a long time to change the mentality of a culture. And our mentality has been one where being different is sinful and a choice. Some people are not willing to listen and also not willing to try to understand. If you don’t fit in, you are not welcome.”

Grech illustrated her point. “There are still parents who believe that their children should either undergo ‘therapy’ for gay conversion or be thrown out of the house. The Malta Gay Rights Movement even opens a safe house, Dar Qawsalla, where people can get back on their feet after being thrown out of their parents’ home.”

Grech said that while Malta’s legal structures for civil rights, specifically in relation to LGBTI+ people, are in place, Maltese society is still struggling. “We have made progress, but not enough. And in Gozo, things are even worse than in Malta,” she said.

Elaborating on the far-right, Grech said: “It tries to eradicate as much as possible every type of person that doesn’t fit into its box. And I think that’s very damaging because it goes against dignity, respect and love. People talk about love, but then they spew hate.” She said that “the far-right says that these people don’t have the right to a good quality of life or even to live. But who are they to decide?” Unfortunately, these far-right ideas have reached Malta and were seen on social media, she said.

When asked about Drachma’s relationship with the Church, Grech said it is positive, but that it remains an “ongoing dialogue”. She explained that “many priests understand the situation and embrace LGBTI+ people. But there are still many others who do not. You can never stop the dialogue, because once you stop, people just forget and go back to their old ways”.

Grech said that while Drachma embraces all faiths, the majority of its members are Roman Catholic and have been proactive in countering the way the Bible is being used as a weapon against LGBTI+ people. She said that they Naqqaxtek fuq il-pali ta’jdejja, with the support and review of a Jesuit scholar from the Pontifical Biblical Institute in Rome and Jerusalem, who took six of the most widely used anti-LGBTI+ passages of the Bible and had them formally studied to show their true context and irrelevance to LGBTI+ people. Grech said that “people take the Bible, read a passage and interpret it literally before indoctrinating others to think like them. But the Bible is a living book. The Bible is there to talk to you, not the other way around”. She added that “if you listen, the Bible tells you how to treat others. Christ was there for everyone and gave the commandment: ‘Love God and your neighbor as you love yourself. And love your enemy.’”

However, she said their views are not shared by everyone. “I have had meetings with people who are very religious, but who have been very abusive to me because I speak out on LGBTI+ issues. In fact, some parents hold back from speaking out on LGBTI+ issues because they feel like they are being targeted.”

Grech said that after the publication of the Vatican Declaration, Dignitas infinitewho, while progressive, was tough on transgender people, Drachma wrote a letter to the Pope expressing their disappointment and deep concern. Pope Francis sent a response to Drachma praising their work and telling them to keep working. “It meant that the Pope recognizes that there is work to be done to ensure that all persons are respected.”

When asked about the church’s arguably mixed signals on LGBTI+ issues, Grech said that “the progress we’ve made since 2004 is relatively new. The Pope is 88 years old and has grown up in a culture where LGBTI+ people were not accepted. But I think the Pope has very good intentions and is trying very hard.”

Speaking about hate speech regarding Olympic boxer Imane Khelif, Mifsud said: “I tried to imagine that the parents, her family, the people who loved her, the public just kept on being hateful. What do you care? I think we’ve forgotten how to be kind, how to put ourselves in other people’s shoes.” She said: “Do you care? You don’t even know the person.”

Mifsud concluded: “Someone you hate could be someone you love. So when I see those hateful comments, I wonder if maybe the people who wrote them have a child who is about to come out and they don’t know it. And I wonder what the children would think. How are they going to come out and explain the confusion that they are going through, the thoughts that are going through their head, after their loved ones were so hateful?” She pointed out the irony that when someone commits suicide, social media is filled with messages about mental health, but when Pride is coming up, hateful comments are everywhere. She further wondered if those who read hateful comments against LGBTI+ people could be someone’s “last straw.”

Mifsud said her child’s coming out as transgender was a shock and that she and her husband found it difficult to accept at first, but that “the turning point came when they told me ‘I didn’t think I would live past 15′”.

Grech said mental health is a growing problem in Malta in general, but “the more negative we remain towards certain groups in society, the more people will suffer mentally. We could be responsible for people who end up committing suicide because of the way we treat them”. She said this negativity ultimately tells LGBTI+ people that they are unaccepted, unloved and rejected by society.

Grech explained: “There are people who are so hurt. We have had parents who have witnessed the suicide of their own LGBTI+ children.”

She said that as a society, including the church, we don’t look beyond the LGBTI+ label and instead think about the person, as Christ did. “We’re doing it wrong and we think we’re right, but it’s still wrong. We’re trampling on others and helping them dig their own graves.”

Regarding the “Last Supper” incident at the opening of the 2024 Olympic Games, Grech asked: “Why are you talking about this now, when this representation of the Last Supper by Leonardo Da Vinci has been satirized so many times in cartoons, in mafia series, etc.? Why are you talking about it now, when it was portrayed by queers?”

When asked if the LGBTI+ community uses the Police Hate Speech/Crime Division, among other agencies, Grech said that for starters, “reporting is difficult because people still feel that if they report hate speech/crime, there is a real possibility that law enforcement will discriminate against them. They may not have sympathy for LGBTI+ people. So for people who are LGBTI+, reporting is more harmful than helpful.” She said parents can’t even advocate for their children. “If we were to report on their behalf, as parents, it wouldn’t be accepted because the reporting has to come from the person who has been offended, so to speak, and it doesn’t help the situation.”

With September being Pride Month in Malta, Grech said she is concerned about the number of people making hurtful comments because of a few “half-dressed” people at Pride. “Yet we have an annual carnival, we have local festas with “half-dressed” revellers, we walk down any street in Valletta, Sliema, Bugibba or anywhere else in the summer and you see half-dressed people, and no one stops them or tells them anything (not that they should). She said: “It’s unbelievable: Pride is coming and the hateful comments on social media are unbelievable. The majority of people at Pride are decently dressed and are protesting the lack of recognition of the right of people to live their truth.”

Grech asked: “Why should we be so negative towards them? Why do we bully them and try to make their lives miserable? What are they doing to you? Are they undermining your rights? Are they diminishing what you can gain or achieve by being who they are?”

When asked what Pride means to her, Mifsud said, “It’s a celebration of love. Even though we were very busy last year with EuroPride, I remember saying, ‘My body is so tired, but my heart is full of love.’ I met so many people who I bonded with through shared experiences and I felt so much love at the end. And when people say there should be a ‘straight pride,’ I think that’s ridiculous. They never have to come out and justify themselves or fight for their rights.”