Boss repeatedly nominates employee for ‘gay professional award’; ‘It’s inappropriate, and I’m not gay.’ + UPDATE

“Repeatedly nominated for a gay award at work (NY)”

weirdawarddisposable

Location: NY. My boss keeps nominating me for a gay professional award outside of our organization. Repeatedly, even though I am not gay. I have verbally stated that I am not gay, and even if I were, I would not want to be recognized for my sexual preferences, that would just be part of who I am.

Is there anything I can do about this legally? It’s weird and honestly embarrassing, but I’m not sure if it’s sexual harassment or a legal issue? I’ve had multiple, direct conversations with my boss that have been something along the lines of “I’m not comfortable with being nominated for these awards, can you please stop.” Thanks in advance.

These were the top rated reader comments after the OP’s first post:

_Cromwell_

That is essentially sexual harassment. I’m not sure if it rises to a level that would be considered illegal (pervasive or severe), but it is harassment at some level. Sexual harassment doesn’t have to be sexual harassment. You should look up your company’s policy on reporting harassment and follow it.

weirdawarddisposable (ON)

Thank you very much for your response and for taking it seriously. As I understand it from your suggestion, my next step will be to communicate electronically that this is unwelcome and needs to stop, so that it is recorded and the communication is preserved, continue to document and escalate as necessary. I do love my job and company by the way, so I am trying to manage this as carefully as possible.

cakes

Do you even qualify for the award? That is, do you have to be gay? I know people who have received awards from LGBTQ organizations for being great allies, providing great customer service, networking wonderfully with LGBTQ organizations, etc. If not, then yes, this is a form of harassment and you should file a complaint. If you haven’t already, start keeping a paper trail.

A little less than two weeks later, the OP came back with an update.

weirdawarddisposable

I decided to address this one last time in person, since my company doesn’t really have a policy against sexual harassment other than Don’t Do That. I spoke to the boss in the style of Michael Scott and another leader who has a legal operations role within our organization. I used pointed phrases that were quoted by posters from Legal Advice, like “Sexual harassment.”

A reader had suggested that this seemed like an inappropriate and misguided way to “help” me come out. As our conversation progressed, it became clear that this was exactly what was happening, and I in turn made it clear that it wasn’t really anyone’s business to help me with things outside of my role at work.

I also said that this was the last time we would have this conversation without escalating it to the New York State Human Rights/Office of Sexual Harassment. Michael Scott apologized profusely and the other witness was shocked that this was happening.

Later my CEO called to say that it was horrible, that it would never happen again, and to ask if I wanted to take a few days off. He also thanked me for raising the issue and promised “change”, whatever that means.

I feel like everyone has taken it seriously and the best possible outcome (so far) is that it hasn’t turned into a legal issue, but I realize that’s not so dramatic or exciting.

I also contacted the organization that kept publicly notifying people of their awards and got a strangely clipped and rude email back. I made it clear that this is not okay and that the way they operate can cause unintended but irreparable harm.

Thank you to everyone who gave advice and also took the problem seriously. There were times when I felt like I couldn’t take a joke, but you assured me that this wasn’t okay and also how to fix it. You guys are amazing. Thank you.

These are the top-rated reader responses to the OP’s post:

bunnyofdebriar

“Someone at work nominated you.” Yes, that is exactly the problem that is being addressed. You can see that that is the /problem/.

DirectBudget8799

At the very least I would expect a “hell, we’re sending an email BACK to the nominee/company telling them to stop and then they can’t nominate anymore!” It doesn’t do the awards any favors when there’s a potential lineup of all straight people waving awards and saying “I’d like to thank our straight partners…”

peter095837

It baffles me how a boss thinks giving this kind of “award” was a good idea in the first place. As if that’s not even a healthy work ethic idea, that’s just plain unethical.

fistulated cow

This is just insane. I can’t even fathom the irony that an award that is supposedly meant to empower homosexuals in the field ends up being a potential way for someone to come out publicly without their consent.

And the boss trying to “help OP get out of this” by nominating her for the award is just a level of stupidity that I can’t possibly put into words. I wouldn’t blame OP if she didn’t forgive them for what they did because it’s just completely unforgivable. Like I’m pissed. Jesus.

ten foot tall moth man

As a registered gay person who is completely out at work and everywhere else – this is absolutely horrible. If OP was actually queer and closeted for whatever reason (people can stay closeted for many reasons, including safety), this would have been outing them without their consent. That is really bad.

This is why I hate the corporate ally nonsense. It’s usually run by cis heterosexuals who don’t understand the nuances of the rainbow mafia and it’s cringey at best and harmful at worst – like this. I don’t want to be in your newsletter so you can pat yourself on the back for being so inclusive, I just want to do my job like everyone else, thanks.