A gay hitman, his boyfriend, a gay mafia son, a few sex parties and a lot of violence

Link to the mafia assholes

In crime family dramas, the youngest son is traditionally gay – think of Deran in Animal KingdomIan in Shamelessand Kelvin in The righteous gems. So I’m reviewing the first episode of Gangs of London, on Netflix to see if the tradition continues.

Scene 1: An upside-down view of a cityscape. Telling us this is an alternate world? No, it’s a man hanging upside down from a tall building, crying and begging Sean (Joe Cole, left) not to kill him. But he says, “What choice do I have?”, douses him with gasoline and sets him on fire. Soon the rope snaps and the burning body falls to the ground. A bit exaggerated.

Scene 2: Irish traveler Darren (Aled ap Stefan), apparently working as a hitman, gets a new assignment — “nobody, just a pedo,” and invites his buddy (Darren Evans) to come along. They park and Darren goes upstairs to an apartment, where he waits to shoot the man.

Downstairs, Buddy gets into trouble with a group of tough guys. Then Finn Wallace arrives! The murder is on the head of the biggest, most important, most brutal crime family in London! He tries to call Darren, tell him to cancel the job, he’s not who they said, but it’s too late, Finn Wallace goes upstairs and Darren shoots him.

Meanwhile, his Driver Jack (Emmet J. Scanlan) is terrorizing the Buddy. When he hears the shot, he runs to the car to get his gun. The only thing the Buddy can think of is to run him over.

Emmet’s dick is on RG Beefcake and friends

Scene 3: As Darren sits in a bath in horror, the family gathers for the funeral.

We meet family counselor Alex (Paapa Essidue) and a boy named Danny, who may become a main character. The costumes look a bit strange so I’m thinking this is all a flashback

They watch the guests arrive and wonder if one of them ordered the murder.

Scene 4: Sons Billy and Sean (Brian Vernel, Joe Cole) play their father’s favorite song, “Suzy Q,” so loud it irritates everyone.

We saw Sean displaying some brutal behavior in scene 1. Billy is the gay one and of course a recovering heroin addict.

Left: Horror Hunks claims this is Brian Vernel, but the one in Gangs of London is younger, with black hair

Family counselor Alex advises them not to look for the killer, otherwise a war will break out.

More picks after the break

Scene 5: The criminal lords of London meet to discuss when they’re going to open the docks so they can start pushing their illegal product again. Family advisor Alex explains that they have to deal with the issue of succession, liaise with corrupt cops, and so on. Besides, Sean screams, none of their businesses will continue until he finds out which one of them ordered his father’s murder.

A female gang leader shouts that it’s obvious who did it: father was murdered in one of Luanne’s buildings and his driver disappeared into his territory. His name? I thought Luanne was a girl’s name. It turns out that the male Luann Dushaj, played by Orli Shuka, is the head of the Albanian mafia.

Scene 6: Billy the Gay One is snooping around his father’s office when an older woman, perhaps his mother, comes in with a belt, helps him put it on, and tries to grope him? He swats her hand away and she says, “Not today, Billy.” So Billy has sex with his mother regularly, and she’s mad because he’s not in the mood on the day of his father’s funeral? Give him some time to grieve, Jocasta!

Scene 7: After the funeral, a police officer shows Family Advisor Alex security camera footage of his father’s driver being loaded into a van. Henchman Elliot, played by Sope Dirisu, recognizes it as belonging to Besmir, one of the Albanians.

Family counselor Alex orders his henchmen to go with henchman Elliot to the Albanian pub and politely inquire about the whereabouts of Besmir the Albanian. Instead, they beat Elliot, run into the bar and start breaking heads

Scene 8: Elliot intervenes and destroys everyone in a fight sequence that lasts about five minutes. He chases Besmir (Florist Bajgora) through the dangerous streets until he falls off a ledge and breaks his leg. He screams “Take me to him!”, meaning that his father’s driver has been kidnapped. At that moment, other boys appear with weapons. The end.

The Netflix version is only 50 minutes long, but the version on IMDB is 93 minutes long. These extra scenes were held over until Episode 2.

Remember Darren, the one who shot his father in the first place? He and Buddy are in hiding, apparently sleeping in the same bed, when his own estranged father takes him to a new hideout, leaving Buddy to be killed when the gangsters burst in.

Henchman Eliot, actually an undercover agent, storms into the lair and kills everyone, but Darren is already gone.

Ed Dumani, Colm’s advisor, kills the driver Jack so that he can no longer reveal Colm’s secrets.

Plot twist: Billy the Gay One is actually the older brother, but he’s not allowed to participate in the family business because he’s gay and a recovering heroin addict, and therefore too vulnerable to violence. So all he does is hang out at homosexual sex parties, which are presented as the height of immoral decadence, looking gloomy. Your brother sets people on fire and throws them off buildings, and a blowjob is immoral?

When his friend dies of a heroin overdose, Billy takes action: he’s going to track down and kill the gangster responsible! Brother Sean advises him not to get involved, because, you know, he’s gay and vulnerable, but we flash back to their childhood: father ordered Sean to shoot a man, but he couldn’t do it. So Billy took the gun and killed him. He’s capable of even more violence than his brother! The end.

Muscle bundle: Here and there some naked guys, penises at the sex party.

Homosexual characters: Darren has a subtextual homosexual romance with his Buddy and doesn’t seem to get a girlfriend before he’s murdered. Billy has a swishy-queen boyfriend who appears in two episodes. A synopsis reveals that he’s “starting a new life” with his sister and her daughter. Man, isn’t your mother enough?

Incest: Multiple subtexts.

Should I keep watching?: Not if Billy goes straight ahead.