Machine Mafia – Money Gone (EP)

Machine Mafia – Money Gone (EP)
Self-released
Release date: 07.09.24
Duration: 16:32
Review by Dark Juan
Rating: 10/10

Dark Juan is not normally an angry man. Normally I prefer to radiate love and joy into the world, sharing good news and positive fucking vibes wherever I go. But today is different and I am consumed by a rage so black and vast that the entire Calder Valley lies beneath it, trembling and anxiously searching for the horrible monsters that will come screaming out of it, titanium claws and bared sabre teeth and dripping with acidic saliva, fixing the vulnerable human in a yellow, predatory eye devoid of all humanity.

Yes, I have problems with my computer. I believe I have solved them now, by cursing and screaming at it until it fucking obeyed my commands. There were threats, there were pleas and tears and cries and screams at the microprocessor controlled bastard and it was also shown with the rather large hammer I keep in my tool cabinet and I explained to him in EXQUISITE detail what would happen to him if he did not behave himself.

Clearly my computer does not want to experience the joy of flight, because it came SO close to being launched out of a fucking window before it decided it had to actually do the bidding of its flesh-based master. So today I fired up the Platter of Splatter™ to play a four-track EP from the bastard chimera of OMNIBDGR and Pound Land, a hideous beholden beast called Machine Mafia, a terrifyingly productive and prolific creature considering it hasn’t been long since they last released some work (https://www.ever-metal.com/2024/07/19/machine-mafia-killzones-ep/ is the link to that lovely bit of descriptive text).

To describe Machine Mafia as music is unfair. Their devilish gibberish of implanted human mouths on matte black, chitinous, eight foot tall praying mantis-like creatures that rampage through cities, driving terrified people before them, screaming scarlet flesh framed by filed white teeth, howling in rage as they spout short circuiting electronics and hiss and scream as they desperately try to deal with the onset of anger and differences in neural networks that are not really compatible with each other.

Opening with “FOS,” this four-track EP is a fast, punk-tinged number that combines the snotty, socially conscious rage of punk with screaming feedback, broken, screeching guitars, and terrifying reverb that drowns out the vocals, spewing venomous anger towards the state, politics, and asshole governments in general. It’s a short, sharp shock to the poor listener’s system (in this case me) that’s about as effective as a stab in the ribs at just the right angle.

This is followed by ‘Tunnel’, which tempers the punk fury in favour of atmospheric dronescapes underpinned by a hopeless, tempered, almost defeated vocal. The bass thunders beneath stream-of-consciousness lyrics describing the hopelessness of society’s less fortunate members, while sharp, swaying electronics squeak and groan, the occasional bit of guitar cutting through the morass of bass-driven misery, as the song asks the question: “Is there any truth to cling to?”, and more importantly: “What is this madness?”

Well, Machine Mafia, I have no idea, guys. But please don’t kill me, because you’re all clearly fucking insane. Wait a minute, is Machine Mafia the result of community care? Shit…

The next track on this utterly deranged work is ‘Glistening Beetles’. It’s about a clearly mentally disturbed person who rambles on about extroverted American psychopaths who crack eggs on people’s heads as a greeting and who ascend to the upper floors of the tree kingdom and see the little wooden bungalows that howler monkeys have built there. He also sees glittering beetles sitting on leaves and, most memorably, pooping out Maltesers.

Maltese.

Damn MALTESERS!

Jesus, Machine Mafia is angrier than Dark Juan could imagine after half a bottle of absinthe and a hefty dose of LSD.

The closing track is called ‘Where’s The Money Gone?’ and returns to the Industrial Punk blueprint of the EP’s first track – broken, overworked amps that bubble and buzz over repetitive vocals very much in the vein of PiL and a predatory bassline that creeps through the shadows. Fuck knows what Machine Mafia did to the drums to make them sound the way they do, distorted and damaged.

Yes my dear friends, Machine Mafia is scary as hell. Their combination of rage, Industrial pounding, Punk fury and the desire to utterly destroy their electronics by overloading them until they explode and speak to some horrible buried piece of Dark Juan’s soul that must never see the light of day or some institutions that serve the great and the good will be destroyed by my hands.

Like Pound Land, Machine Mafia has Dark Juan desperate to wipe out the government and do the fucking job himself. I couldn’t have had it worse.

And I’ll never eat Maltesers again, now I know where they come from. Fuck that for a jar of soldiers.

The usual caveats apply – Machine Mafia are more Industrial than Metal, but their music has a fury and rage that Metal can only dream of when it’s not busy worshipping sopranos and mezzos in see-through robes singing about goddamn witches and werewolves, or seeing how many notes a guitarist can play in five seconds. Machine Mafia uses their instruments in a much more appropriate way – they use them as weapons. Time to move on to the patented Dark Juan Blood Splat Rating System…

The patented Dark Juan Blood Splat Rating System gives Machine Mafia a 9/10 for an EP that inspires revolutionary thoughts in Dark Juan’s twisted hunk of grey cheese passing for a ghost. Again, this EP would have gotten a 10/10, but I don’t want to sound nepotistic, because Jase and Adam are the absolute pinnacle of true British industrial music and I’m a huge fan of Machine Mafia, Pound Land and OMNIBDGR. You know what?

Never mind.

I love this EP so I give it a 10/10. No matter what others say, I love it.

DISCLAIMER: I really like Machine Mafia’s music. If it was shit, I’d happily say so, despite the fact that I’m on good terms with the guys in the band. I’m a critic and reviewer, not a creep. That’s why I have no friends. Well, that and neurodiversity.

NUMBERS LIST:

01. FOS
02. Tunnel
03. Glittering Beetles
04. Where did the money go?

LINE-UP:

Adam Stone & Jase Kester – Devilish roars, electronic destruction, amplified madness and the total deconstruction of music.

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